let chris tweet pork chop: Hello. →
letchristweetporkchop: My name is Chris. And in the early morning of April 13th, 2011, I logged onto twitter.com and decided to tweet the word pork chop. I assure you I was of sound mind and body at the time, with no formal ties to the pork chop industry. All I wanted to do was tweet pork chop a bunch. I wasn’t… Pork Chop.
The Liberal Rag: Generational Gap →
liberalrag: Tonight, a revelation occurred to me. As I was set to go out and have drinks with my brother and his friends (all my seniors by a sizeable amount of years), the evening took a turn for the brutal as ideals between two “generations” clashed. On one side you have me, a 27 year old college graduate… This sums up pretty much every conversation I have with a parent.
Old Man Weldon: Rejected sports team names... →
oldmanweldon: (via super neat sports) With the Sacramento Kings likely moving cities and potentially changing their Franchise moniker, we’re taking a look at some of the all time rejected sports team names, professional and otherwise. 1. The Tennessee Court Mandated Volunteers 2. The Chicago Fucktards 3….
Not My Job.
Tonight, as one of the stage managers of the Mrs. America Pageant, I was called upon to vamp for about 10 minutes. As a stand-up comic, I am used to speaking to large numbers of people. What I am not used to is the overwhelming percentage of my audience being 60-something West Virginians, let alone coming out of the focused mindset of a stage-manager— whose job is literally to yell at...
mattandoz: Zwack (by Matt and Oz) Here’s a spec ad we did for Zwack Liquor starring Brett Gelman. If every commercial were like this, we wouldn’t need DVRs.
every single time i look at this i crack the fuck... →
Today I was thinking about exactly how I miss my girlfriend, from a purely physical standpoint. Let me be clear, I mean just the lack of having her physical person around me. Being close to her. This morning I was yearning so particularly for the closeness of her body, her touch, that I tried to visualize it. Imagining her right next to me, clutching her in my arms. The wonderful thing is, I...
Female hysteria →
bestofwikipedia: Female hysteria was a once-common medical diagnosis, made exclusively in women, which is today no longer recognized by modern medical authorities as a medical disorder. Women considered to be suffering from it exhibited a wide array of symptoms including faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability,...
Smokers To The Right
Animals, all of us. Wringing our hands and shuffling our feet, “patience” just an abstract term, incomprehensible to our disease-addled brains. Charlottesburg, the only smoking stop til D.C., is Mecca and we are the extremists— arming ourselves with nicotine bombs targeted at our hope for a natural death. Of course I’m first in line to get off this Godforsaken tube of...
Stop What You're Doing And Read This Right Now. →
It continues. I am led out of my hospital bed and brought downstairs to the radiation quarantine area. A nurse with what can only be described as an incredibly loose grip on the English language taps my vein and begins to draw blood. My blood is thick and beautiful. It emerges from my veins in great spurts; droplets of it proudly suspend themselves to the walls of the test tubes. It is...
"The Lunts! Oh, marvelous!"
nevver: Andrew makes Comics
It is absolutely no coincidence that my best bonding sesh with my dad coincided with the first time I’ve ever phone-wikipedia’d Andrew Jackson. Sure, pops is a racist, money-grubbing, piece of shit— and my political views actually classify as “faggot”… but we can both bro down beerwise with any president who almost beat-to-death a would-be assassain.
Fucking stupid Birthday Boys with their fucking stupid perfect sketch. Fuck. I’m so angry at how good this is.